Let’s Get Real

Greetings Hope Home Healthcare followers. I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful Thursday afternoon. The season of county fairs and festivals are in full swing and we are blessed with beautiful weather.

For the last two weeks, I have struggled to find a topic to blog on. This week God handed me the answer on a silver platter, well it was more like a huge, scary, mammogram machine, but let’s not get too technical.

Three weeks ago, I found a single lump on my right breast. I immediately called my family doctor for an appointment to get the mass checked out. My family doctor found two more smaller lumps on the same side, so he ordered a diagnostic mammogram.

This past Monday I went into the mammogram appointment and faced the giant machine that I have heard so many beautiful ladies refer to in pure disgust. I now fully understand and appreciate the love/hate relationship so many share with this machine! The technician was wonderful, the room was bright and pink breast cancer awareness bears lined her workspace. She handed me a pink robe and gave me the normal instructions to change into the shirt robe and she would return.

The process was fairly quick and to the point. She said she was going to have the radiologist read the results and see if she needed further scans. Yes, so far this is just a normal appointment, just checking on the girls, as so many other women have gone through. But I am only 33 and the chance of breast cancer is the last thing I ever thought I would deal with. But there I sat in the bright room all alone with breast cancer bears staring at me. Then the technician walks back in with a look on her face I will never forget. She said, “We found 3 masses and the radiologist would like an ultrasound scan done”.

So off to the dark room two doors down we went. As the technician completed her scans I asked what she was seeing, she turned the screen to me and walked me thru what she saw, why it was abnormal and said she was going to go get the radiologist to review the scans and talk to me. So again, I am left alone in a now dark room with only me and my wondering mind. About 5 minutes later she walks in with the radiologist and she begins to rescan the masses. After what felt like forever of the radiologist telling her where to scan, to add color, take color away, add color again, move the wand this way or that. The radiologist got this scary and uneasy look across his face and tells the technician he has seen enough. He sits down next to me and explains in a calm and attempted reassuring tone that he sees cancer. He explains the best course of action is to remove the largest mass to biopsy it and we will go from there.

He then asks me if I have any questions. Well yes, I have a million questions at this moment running through my mind; however, the only question I could muster was why is this happening. He gave me a long explanation about genetics and odds, and then just as quickly as he walked in, he walked out.

The technician instructed me to get dressed and leave my robe shirt on the bed, and leave the door open when I left. The results will be sent to my primary and they would get in touch with me to get surgery scheduled. And just like that, she was gone.

I couldn’t move, I sat on that table shocked and perplexed. I cried, I will admit it, but then I began to get mad. I was mad that this was happening. I was mad that I was alone in this dark room. I was mad that the odds were forever not in my favor. I was just mad. I got dressed and walked out of the room. My legs felt like Jell-O as I walked out of the room and down the long hallway. I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t want to face this road I was now stuck on!

The one thing I have learned in my short 33 years, the roads we don’t want to be stuck on are the roads we need to be on to gain strength, understanding, compassion and knowledge. This is not part of my plan, but it is a part of God’s plan for me. I am a fighter and I will beat this!

If you take anything away from this post, let it be an understanding. Cancer of any form does not discriminate against age, race, sex, or religion. Cancer will attack for unknown reasons. Cancer will try to take you down with it, DONT LET IT! We are all fighters and we all have so much to fight for. In my case, doing self-breast exams, knowing my body and making that appointment assisted in early diagnosis and treatment. The road I am on is not over, it is just beginning. I will have to have yearly mammograms now, I will have to continue self-exams, I will have treatments, surgery and rechecks. I am not a quitter, I am not giving up. My drive is strong and I will succeed!

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